Dear Shadow Self

For years, I have been avoiding you, pretending so hard not to see you, keeping you under wraps, disowning you. As if as soon as I acknowledge you, I will be ashamed, persecuted and put away forever by my circle of imaginary judges. But no matter how hard I try, I know you are there. Until one day, I collapse in exhaustion and no longer really care. I decided if I can’t rid of you, I might as well have a good look at you.

The moment I look into your eyes, I know that you are my friend… for as long as I have lived. As soon as I confronted you and faced you front-on, I saw shadows – but I also saw light. Waves of calmness and relief washed over me.

I was no longer afraid.

That’s when I understood….

Without you, there will be no light. You are the golden compass that leads to my own personal treasures, my deepest, purest desires and the best version of myself.

As soon as I opened my heart and accepted you, as soon as I lifted up my torch to invite you to come out of the corners, I was free from your tight grip. Years of control disintegrated like a thin wisp of smoke.

If only I had known this years earlier… I would not have run away from you, I would have listened more to your whispers and your wisdom.

So now I rejoice to have you in my life. We can voyage into the depths of the darkness towards the light…

So now I have forever appreciated your company and your witnessing of all my growth and depth, for all the uncharted and murky waters we are about to travel together as well as the wild but brilliant unknowns.

As we journey into the darkness, I have found my authenticity and I feel whole again.

Thank you for showing me how to be truly vulnerable… and courageous at the same time.